VERSUS THE SCARECROW EPISODE 3: THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE PSYCHOTRONIC. I decided to challenge myself and really open the doors of my film knowledge and take on “The Scarecrow Video Movie Guide”. It’s 808 pages of movies and movie reviews from some of the most knowledgeable movie people you don’t know. It’s a book put together by a staff that praises, and destroys, some of our favorites and not so favorites. You can read the rest of my series here.
Just a quick refresher: each episode, I’m going to tackle three films from three different categories. Two films will be films I’ve never seen before and one will be one I’ve seen before or own. For the new films, well, new to me, I’m going to review them like a typical FTS review using the TOAST Rating system. But, for the films I’ve seen, I’m going give a quick paragraph or two about why I like or don’t like the film. We’ll try to include the poster and trailer for each film. “….and here. We. Go!”
What is “Psychotronic”? It’s what Scarecrow Video defines as a combination of Horror, Sci-Fi, and Fantasy. This week I’m running the gambit of those genres by looking at The Dark Crystal, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (I’m not kidding), and what’s become a surprising favorite of mine; Alien. First up was The Dark Crystal, now moving on to…
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2002) Directed by Lee Demarbre. Written by: Ian Driscoll. Starring: Phil Caracas, Murielle Varhelyi and Maria Moulton. IMDB says: “Kung-Fu Action / Comedy / Horror / Musical about the second coming.”
When you watch the trailer for this film, it comes across as a throwback to campy 70s style b-movies that cheese up the effects to an implausible story. Usually, these films have redeeming qualities that make it a “so-bad-it’s-good” film; like a favorite actor that stars in the film or maybe a few lines of dialogue that one could never forget. Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter has none of that. The film is flat out terrible. Filmed on 16mm over the course of two years, this “horror/comedy/musical” lacks in horror and comedy but has plenty of the cheesiest music around with lyrics like “it’s all good / it’s alright / Everybody get laid tonight”. The story is pretty simple. Jesus Christ has risen from the dead to fight vampires they have been killing priests and church community members. Along the way, Jesus fights lesbian vampires, a gang of atheists, and even enlists the help of the bounty hunter “Mary Magnum” and Mexican Wrestler El Santo. Yep. A biblical reference and a lucha libre. The effects are sub par and the acting is worse. Tommy Wiseau’s The Room looks and sounds like Shakespeare; that’s how bad this film is. If you don’t believe a film like this could be so bad and you have an hour and twenty five minutes of your life you’re okay with never getting back, feel free to rent in from Netflix.
Check back tomorrow for my review of Alien or read yesterday’s installment where I reviewed The Dark Crystal. And if you’re interested in more, you can find the rest of the Versus The Scarecrow series here.